I was adopted at birth by wonderful parents with whom I grew up, but only at age 30 (married with children), I found out by chance that I was adopted and not my “parents’” biological child.
The shock was almost too much for me and I was overwhelmed by the sudden feeling of loneliness and devastation. It felt as if someone has pulled the carpet from underneath me. My perfect little world was scattered into a million pieces. During the following months I was totally disorientated, I could not begin to comprehend how to deal with this new information, how to accept it or how to move forward. I knew I had to deal with my “new life”, yes it felt as if I was born again… as myself. But a strange me. My family was not really my family and I had to re-program my brain to understand that, because it acts and thinks subconsciously about these things, at least at this age. The hardest thing to overcome was the feeling that I didn’t belong anymore. First thoughts usually are that somebody did not want you, could not keep you, did not want to keep you – so you were not special enough. My thoughts were exactly those. My family was not my family, so where was my origin? Certainly not where I thought it was. So, in my mind my life started again, and strangely all the familiar growing-up years fell away and left a blank space. (I realize now how complex, but also amazing the brain operates, it reminds one of a computer – give it too much information too fast and it freezes – it needs time to process the information and file it where it belongs.)
My family was supportive in a way, but could not comprehend what I was going through, especially my mother, she feared rejection. Not being able to have her own children anymore, waiting for 13 years, I was like an angel sent from heaven to her. So much did I fit in and look alike, that my mother started to believe that I was her own child. To me again, although I still loved them, my family of 30 years suddenly felt like strangers. Then I became aware of an enormous sense of insecurity. Remember, in my subconscious mind my life has started again, so I was like a baby all over again – I needed all the reassurance I could get! I had to figure out where I came from, then find myself again, and hopefully be emotionally parallel to where I was at the time of this incident and only then continue with my life.
After a long search including missing files, many questions and no answers, yes many ups and downs, I eventually found my biological mother. We have a good relationship now – in this scenario my definition for that is: “Telephonic contact regularly and accepted as a reality” – And even though I have more peace now, the pain this incident has caused me and the sadness that still sometimes overwhelms me, is still to be overcome. Only until some time in the future where we both have worked through some issues, we will be able to have a real relationship. Then this story will have another chapter…
So you see, it turned out to work out fairly well for me. But sometimes not all of us have a happy ending…
Maybe you have a similar story. Please take the time to tell us about it. The main purpose of the website is to assist people in the same circumstances to share their tales, because each story is unique in its own way – and so are you.