Biological Mother Tips

If you gave up your baby for adoption, only you can understand the pain that you endured. Only you know how difficult it was and what your reasons to do so, were.

You were brave and you did what you felt was the best decision at the time, you wanted what was best for your baby and wanted to give him/her the life he/she deserved. Whatever your circumstances, you have a totally different story to tell. You either tried to forget what happened which was your way of dealing with the birth and adoption, or you have regretted your decision every day of your life.

You knew best when you made your decision, trust that you have made the best decision. If it happens and you get the opportunity to re-unite with your child, think carefully before you act. If you do not want to re-unite, your child will feel rejected once again. This can do more damage than you can ever imagine. Get the help of a social worker to help you work through your fears and uncertainty. If you are married and you have never told your husband, it might be devastating for him to find out that you have not confided in him. This can put a lot of strain on your marriage, depending how much you love each other. To put yourself through that is almost too much to expect. This is understandable.

The least you can do is to meet with your child and tell him/her the whole story. Should this be all you can commit to, you have given them something… the truth, a foundation, somewhere to start. They will respect that, although they might not understand your reasoning.

I think what mostly terrifies the adoptee, is that he/she has no clue where they are from – they have nothing to connect themselves to. Try to understand he courage it took from your child to go and look for you!

Be open and honest. If you decide not to tell your husband, don’t tell him at all.

If you do tell him, tell him the whole truth, don’t lie – if you lie and he suspects, it will be much worse and his trust in you will be compromised.

Whatever you do, you are not alone. We want to support you, we want to make it easier!

Good luck to you!

Robyn