Adoptive Parents Tips
If you are adoptive parents and you want to assist your adoptive child to find his/her biological parents, I salute you for your love, devotion and understanding. This is the best gift you can give your child, if this is something he/she wants.
If you told him/her from an early age and they already know, chances are that you have some information abouth the biological parents already.
If you have never told him/her, they have found out by chance and you do not know how to handle this, do not worry. Through this site we try to help anyone in the triangle of adoption. Do not question your decision not to tell, it is in the past and you have made that decision for your own reasons. There is no right or wrong. Nowadays it is different from years ago where adoption was a big secret and a not-to-talk-about subject.
Whether you assist in the search, or you are told that your child is going to search for his/her biological parents, the emotions you will go through, are different from those of the adoptive child. Do not for a moment fear rejection. Have faith that this will turn out the way it should. Be there for your child at all times. Even if you do not understand how they feel, say you do and ensure them of your love and commitment. In the end, all they need is to feel secure and to know that whatever happens, he/she belongs with you and you will always be there. You will not criticise him/her for their decision to search. The one thing you must never say is: Why do you want to search for your mother, she rejected you, she threw you away, if we were not there to adopt you, who knows where you would have been today” Please never say that, even if you think it. Do not say it. It will sound a thousand times worse than what you mean and you can never take your words back. This is probably the most said phrase from adoptive parents, especially adoptions from earlier times.
Show respect for the biological mother, if she had not given her baby up for adoption, you might not have had a child. What was a sad story for one person, was a dream come true for another! That is life!
The more you help your adoptive child, the more secure they will feel.
It takes a special person to adopt another person’s child, it is a huge risk. The famous words of Forest Gump comes to mind: “Life’s like a box o’ chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get”. Adoption is the same scenario. You were probably equally frightened and excited when your bundle arrived.
You have had a life-time of experiences with this child which can never be erased – treasure that.
I admire you!